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What Counts As Adultery in Your State? the Legal Standard May Surprise You

Practice Area:Family Law & Divorce
Jurisdiction:Washington, D.C.

The question behind this question is usually financial, so start there.

In New York, adultery rarely changes the outcome. Equitable distribution turns on economic factors, not on who did what to whom. Marital fault is a statutory consideration for spousal support, but courts apply it narrowly. Custody follows the child's interests, and an affair that did not affect the child generally does not register.

One exception matters. If marital funds were spent on the relationship — travel, gifts, a second residence — that is dissipation of marital assets, and it is recoverable. This is a money argument, not a morality argument, and it is the one that works.

As a ground for divorce, it is close to obsolete. New York has had no-fault divorce since 2010. Adultery also cannot be proved by the testimony of the spouse alleging it, which makes it harder to establish than the no-fault ground it would replace. There is almost no reason to plead it.

What clients usually want is acknowledgment. What the law offers is an accounting. Those are different things, and it helps to know which one you are asking for.


1. How States Legally Define Adultery


The baseline definition is consistent across jurisdictions: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than their spouse. Beyond that, states diverge in ways that have real consequences in litigation. The specific language a state uses, and how its courts have interpreted that language, determines what a spouse must prove and what evidence will support the claim.


The "Illicit Carnal Intercourse" Standard

Many state statutes, particularly older ones that courts have not revisited recently, use the phrase "illicit carnal intercourse" to define adultery. Courts have consistently read this as requiring penetrative sexual intercourse. Other sexual conduct, even when explicitly sexual, may not satisfy the statutory definition under this standard.

New York courts historically required proof of actual intercourse rather than general circumstantial evidence of a sexual relationship. North Carolina and Virginia take similar approaches, focusing on physical consummation rather than the broader nature of the extramarital relationship.

Physical Vs. Emotional Infidelity under the Law

Emotional affairs do not constitute adultery under any current state law. A spouse who maintains an intimate but non-physical relationship with another person, even one that includes explicit digital communications, has not legally committed adultery in most jurisdictions.

In practice, this distinction has grown more consequential as courts handle more digital evidence. Text messages and emails can establish emotional intimacy in detail, but courts in fault-based states still require that evidence to support an inference of actual physical contact before making an adultery finding. Evidence of intimacy without evidence of intercourse rarely crosses the threshold. For a broader overview of how documentary and digital evidence is treated in civil proceedings, see our civil litigation evidence page.


2. Fault-Based Vs. No-Fault Divorce: How Your State Shapes the Question


Whether adultery has any legal weight in your divorce depends first on the type of divorce system your state uses. In fault states, proving adultery gives you grounds and can affect the financial outcome. In no-fault states, it rarely changes how the case proceeds at all.

Fault states allow a spouse to cite adultery as grounds for divorce. Proving it can affect alimony, property division, and in some cases custody evaluations. North Carolina, Virginia, Georgia, and South Carolina are among the states where adultery retains meaningful legal weight.

No-fault states require only irreconcilable differences or an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. Adultery may still come up in limited contexts, particularly as a defense against alimony claims, but it does not determine whether a divorce is granted. California, Colorado, and most western states follow this model.

Many states maintain fault-based grounds while also offering a no-fault option. In those jurisdictions, the choice of basis often turns on financial strategy. For an overview of how fault and no-fault grounds interact with the broader divorce process, see our divorce practice page.

State categoryRepresentative statesRole of adultery
Fault-basedNC, VA, GA, SCGrounds for divorce; can affect financial outcomes
Pure no-faultCA, CO, OR, WA, FLRarely relevant to divorce proceedings
Mixed jurisdictionTX, NY, NJ, MDOptional grounds; strategic consideration

Fault-based

  • Representative statesNC, VA, GA, SC
  • Role of adulteryGrounds for divorce; can affect financial outcomes

Pure no-fault

  • Representative statesCA, CO, OR, WA, FL
  • Role of adulteryRarely relevant to divorce proceedings

Mixed jurisdiction

  • Representative statesTX, NY, NJ, MD
  • Role of adulteryOptional grounds; strategic consideration


3. Regional Variations in Adultery Law


Adultery law does not break cleanly by region, but geographic patterns exist. Southern states treat adultery as legally consequential more consistently than states in other regions. Western states have largely moved to no-fault systems. The Northeast is more variable, with New York occupying a distinct position.


Southern States

North Carolina bars alimony to a dependent spouse who committed adultery, unless the supporting spouse also engaged in marital misconduct. Virginia treats adultery as a presumptive bar to spousal support, with the adulterous spouse bearing the burden of demonstrating exceptional circumstances. Georgia courts consider fault in alimony decisions, though judges have broad discretion over how much weight it receives.

South Carolina allows courts to consider marital fault, including adultery, when dividing marital property. Most states do not permit this, making South Carolina's approach somewhat unusual in the region.

Midwest and Western States

Most midwestern and western states have moved to systems where fault grounds have little practical effect. Ohio nominally retains fault grounds but sees few fault-based filings in practice. Montana, Wyoming, and Idaho have relegated fault to the margins of divorce litigation, even where statutes have not been formally repealed.

Northeast States

New York stands apart in the Northeast. Until 2010, New York had no no-fault divorce option, which made fault grounds, including adultery, central to many contested cases. The 2010 reform added an irretrievable breakdown ground under New York Domestic Relations Law § 170(7). Since then, adultery has primarily surfaced in spousal support disputes under DRL § 236B rather than as the basis for the divorce itself. Massachusetts, Connecticut, and New Jersey retain fault grounds by statute but see few cases where adultery drives the outcome.


4. How Adultery Affects Divorce Outcomes


For those in fault-sensitive states, adultery findings can have real financial consequences, though courts rarely treat adultery as an automatic penalty. The more common pattern is that an adultery finding shifts what each party can realistically expect in negotiations and at trial.

Spousal support is the area most directly affected. In North Carolina and Virginia, a dependent spouse who committed adultery generally loses the right to alimony. In states with discretionary approaches, adultery is one factor among several rather than a rule with a fixed outcome.

Property division is less commonly affected. Most states apply equitable distribution principles based on contributions to the marital estate, not on fault. South Carolina allows courts to consider marital fault in property division, but this is an exception rather than the norm. Child custody decisions are largely insulated from adultery findings unless the conduct directly affected the children.



5. Criminal Adultery Statutes: Still on the Books


A number of states retain criminal adultery statutes despite the near-total absence of prosecution. Idaho and Michigan classify adultery as a felony offense under state law. Massachusetts includes adultery among its criminal statutes as well. Active prosecution under any of these provisions has been rare for decades, but the statutes remain in effect.

Their constitutional status is an open question under federal law. The U.S. Supreme Court's decision in Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558 (2003), struck down anti-sodomy statutes on due process grounds. Many legal scholars read Lawrence as raising serious questions about criminal adultery statutes under the same reasoning, but the Supreme Court has not addressed that question directly. Most states have left these statutes dormant rather than repealing them.



6. Frequently Asked Questions


Does texting or messaging someone outside the marriage count as adultery?

No. Adultery requires physical sexual contact under all current state laws. Digital communications can support a circumstantial inference of physical conduct, but they do not independently establish adultery.

If my spouse had an affair, do I automatically receive more in the divorce settlement?

It depends on the state. In North Carolina and Virginia, a dependent spouse who committed adultery loses the right to alimony in most circumstances. In most other states, adultery is a factor courts may weigh, not a rule that produces a fixed outcome.

Can someone still face criminal charges for adultery?

Technically yes, in states where criminal statutes remain in effect. Prosecution is rare, and these statutes face unresolved constitutional challenges under Lawrence v. Texas.


07 Jul, 2025


The information provided in this article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Prior results do not guarantee a similar outcome. Reading or relying on the contents of this article does not create an attorney-client relationship with our firm. For advice regarding your specific situation, please consult a qualified attorney licensed in your jurisdiction.
Certain informational content on this website may utilize technology-assisted drafting tools and is subject to attorney review.

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