Why a simple will often falls short
Leaving everything to a spouse and trusting them to pass it on to your children is common, and it frequently goes wrong without anyone intending harm. The surviving spouse can rewrite their own will, remarry, or spend down assets, and your children from an earlier relationship generally have no claim on what the spouse inherits. New York also gives a surviving spouse a right to take a share of the estate regardless of the will unless that right was validly waived, so leaving a spouse out does not reliably work either. Families often look at a trust that supports the spouse during their lifetime and then passes the remainder to the children. The details of that structure decide how much control each side has.
Agreements and orders that shape the options
Any prenuptial or postnuptial agreement belongs first in the pile, since it may already address what each spouse receives or waive the right of election. A divorce judgment from an earlier marriage can require you to keep life insurance or other provisions for children from that marriage, and a new plan has to respect it. List which assets came into the marriage with each of you and which were acquired together, along with how each is titled. Beneficiary forms on retirement accounts and insurance policies deserve a careful look, because they control those assets directly. Also note whether stepchildren are part of the household and whether any adoption has taken place.
Conversations worth having up front
A first meeting often covers how open the two spouses want to be with each other and with the children about the plan. When spouses plan together, we explain how joint representation works and what happens if their interests diverge. We look at who should serve as trustee or executor, since putting a child from one side in charge of assets meant for a stepparent can create friction. Timing of distributions comes up too, especially when the spouse and the children are close in age. The aim is a plan that each person understands and that holds up after the first spouse dies.
