Different words for a similar idea
California and a number of other states use irreconcilable differences as their no-fault ground, meaning the marriage cannot be saved and no one has to prove wrongdoing. New York's version is an irretrievable breakdown of the relationship lasting a set period, stated under oath by one spouse. Other states speak of incompatibility, and some require the spouses to have lived apart first. The labels sound interchangeable, but the conditions attached to each can differ, so the ground has to fit the state where you file. Using another state's wording on New York papers can lead to them being rejected.
If you married or lived elsewhere
Couples who married in one state and now live in New York usually file under New York's ground, not that of the state where the wedding took place, provided New York's residency requirements are met. If your spouse has already filed elsewhere citing irreconcilable differences, that case may be the one that goes forward, and responding there may matter more than starting a new case here. Keep any papers you receive from another state's court, and note when and how they arrived. Responding late to an out-of-state filing can lead to orders being entered without your input.
What the first call clarifies
In a first call we confirm which state's court is the right one, whether a case is already pending anywhere, and how New York's no-fault ground would apply to your facts. The ground itself is rarely where the real work lies, because property, support, and the children usually take far more attention. If differences between the states could affect support or property, we discuss that before anything is filed. Bring the dates you and your spouse moved, the place you married, and any court papers you have received. If you are not sure whether your spouse has filed anywhere, say so; there are ways to find out.
