“It’s not love, it’s a scam”... A sweet trap for my money, ‘Romance Scam’

There are more sophisticated and cruel crimes than voice phishing. It is a ‘romance scam’ that destroys not only money but also heart and mind. The truly scary thing about this crime is the sense of betrayal, self-blame, and deep sense of loss experienced by the person who invested love, time, and money, who he believed truly understood him. We spoke to Han Do-young, senior attorney at Daeryun Law Firm, about the reality of romance scams that are developing day by day and how to prevent and respond to them to break the vicious cycle.

“I want to meet you, but I can’t afford it. Can you send me some money?”
How sweet it is to say I love you. Even more so if it is a love confession from a stranger who understands me and has a perfect appearance. If you have become closer than a friend by exchanging SNS messages for a long time, it is not easy to doubt their sincerity. He finally says he will come see me. But you need money to meet me? What would you do?

A romance scam is a crime that forms a relationship using romantic feelings as bait and then exploits that trust to steal money. They mainly show affection for the victim through SNS or chatting apps and continue emotional interactions for a long time, and when trust deepens, they ask for money for various reasons, such as living expenses, investment funds, and payment for shipping costs.

They cleverly manipulate the victim's psychology to make it impossible for them to break off the relationship. Victims either do not realize that it is a scam, or even after realizing it, they turn away and cannot escape. In fact, in the investment fraud victim community, there are endless posts asking, “Is this also a romance scam?” Even if the answer is yes, most people deny it. This is because I cannot admit that the relationship was fake.

Damage is rapidly increasing. Until 2020, phishing only accounted for a small portion of all phishing crimes, but as the use of dating apps and SNS exploded after the pandemic, the number of damage cases increased sharply. In the first half of last year alone, there were 682 romance scam cases, and the damage amounted to 45.4 billion won. Accordingly, the National Police Agency is classifying romance scams as financial crimes along with voice phishing and is intensively cracking down on them. Just in early October, a domestic organization that conspired with a Chinese fraud organization to extort 33.4 billion won from 288 victims was arrested.

# Praise, cajoling, patience
‘Fake’ people digging into loneliness and lack

How are romance scams different from financial crimes such as voice phishing?While voice phishing is an immediate crime that demands money in a short period of time, romance scams involve long-term fraud by forming a ‘rapport (trust relationship)’. They maintain a romantic relationship with the victim over several years, starting with small amounts and gradually demanding larger amounts. So the final damage is as great as voice phishing.

How do perpetrators usually approach this?Although it can occur even in a one-sided relationship, it is most often approached through online spaces such as SNS, chatting apps, and dating apps. They steal photos of famous people or use AI to manipulate people to disguise themselves as foreign businessmen, doctors, soldiers, etc. They also emphasize their ‘wealthy’ image by posting pictures of luxury goods, luxury cars, and overseas travel on their profiles. They lower their guard by expressing praise and affection in an attractive manner.

Are there any particular patterns of fraud after the relationship begins?In the beginning, ‘financial help’ is requested so that the victim does not feel burdened. Victims who feel a romantic interest send money out of fear of breaking up the relationship, or out of pity and guilt. Sometimes they make constructive suggestions, such as investments, or they induce direct remittance by citing nonsensical reasons, such as deposit requests or account errors. Furthermore, there are times when victims are used as tools for committing crimes, such as helping attract investors for fraudulent investments or using them as a means of delivering cash. This is a case where the victim becomes a perpetrator.

Can it lead to other damages besides just financial damage?Perpetrators form a strong rapport with their victims and steal intimate personal information. Because they claim to be in a dating relationship, they obtain not only social and financial information, but also sexual materials such as explicit photos of the victim. If the relationship breaks down later, it may lead to secondary damage such as threatening to spread the information or requesting sexual exploitation material.

I wonder why the victims become so defenseless.Victims of romance scams often have narrow social networks or are emotionally isolated. In such a situation, when someone shows up who consistently shows kind words, empathy, and interest, you start to believe that they are someone who truly understands you. So, unlike other crimes, the perpetrator shows interest and affection rather than threats. The emphasis is on building consensus. They give advice about life and psychologically entangle the victim by talking about their future together.

Are there any memorable real-life examples?I had a female client who was raising a child alone. It was a case where a man approached me through social media claiming to be a ‘doctor and the son of a Gangnam building owner’ and was deceived into sending a large amount of money under the pretext of living expenses and investment funds. I gained trust by sweetly saying that I would take responsibility for the client's child, and eventually I even took out a loan and sent the money. They advised me that it was highly likely a scam, but I was even more suspicious of what they said. The perpetrator was actually a fitness trainer, and it was only after I was shadowed and witnessed him working at the gym that I realized it was a scam.

# How to avoid being caught in a relationship trap?
‘Keep distance’ when in doubt, ‘maintain contact’ after damage.

Why do victims miss the ‘golden time’ for judicial relief?Because it is a state of ‘gaslighting.’ It is easy to miss the right time to respond because it is difficult to recognize that it is a scam because you think it is a romantic relationship, and it is difficult to get out of an already established relationship. In many cases, the lawsuit itself is abandoned due to the shock of a breakdown in trust. Ironically, victims tend to believe the scammer's words but not the lawyer's sincere advice.

If you've already suffered damage, what should you do first?Romance scams are evolving every day. Even lawyers, when they hear about the damage, think, ‘I could be the victim too.’ If you have suffered damage, ‘initial response’ is more important than anything else. You must immediately apply for a payment suspension from your financial institution and make sure that you do not completely cut off contact with the perpetrator. This is because the longer the connection is maintained with the other party, the more advantageous it is for investigative agencies to make arrests and secure evidence. You should contact a lawyer as quickly as possible to develop a case strategy and receive legal assistance appropriate for your situation.

Is there any chance of arresting the perpetrator or recovering the damages?I wonder if I can receive compensation from financial companies or platforms. Romance scams are a crime of fraud under Article 347 of the Criminal Act, and are subject to increased punishment if the misappropriated money is more than 500 million won. If you abuse your account, bankbook, payment app, etc., you will also be subject to an additional violation of the Electronic Financial Transactions Act. However, since most victims are considered to have ‘voluntarily sent money’, it is realistically difficult to hold financial companies or platform operators responsible for compensation. So, when receiving a financial transfer or investment proposal, it is best to maintain rational judgment and be cool and skeptical.

Is there institutional support in place to prevent psychological shock or secondary damage to victims?Most victims of romance scams hide their victimization because of shame and self-blame. Psychological aftereffects such as avoidance of others, depression, and loss of trust follow. The longer the crime lasts, the more severe the psychological shock becomes. However, unlike victims of violent crimes, there is little separate psychological counseling or recovery support system for fraud victims. As online scams become more sophisticated, financial institutions and platform operators must also prepare prevention and response systems for other types of crimes beyond simple voice phishing. Efforts to raise public awareness are also needed through public service announcements and educational campaigns.

How can you distinguish between a romance scam and real ‘flirting’?Although initially difficult to distinguish, there are some distinct signs. First of all, you should be suspicious if the person repeatedly asks for financial support while emphasizing a close relationship, or mentions a breakdown in the relationship when the request is refused. You should also look at whether they are delaying or refusing to meet in person. Even during video calls, filters, etc. are used to trick people. Also, if excessive personal information such as financial information or financial information is requested, it is safe to immediately cut off contact.

[View full article]
“It's not love, it's a scam”... A sweet trap for my money, ‘romance scam’ (link)